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You get first dibs. First contact. First cuddle.
While the rest of the internet sits there refreshing, you’re already emotionally imprinting on fabric. Because comfort shouldn’t be a competition…but it is. And you're winning.
Snuggle Science Approved.
This isn’t speculation. This is ✨data✨.
Unethical. Unreviewed. Spiritually questionable. But data. Our findings? 100% of members experienced weaponized coziness. We’re talking full-body warmth, sudden emotional stability, and that terrifying moment where you catch yourself smiling at a pillow like it just texted you first.
You’re making this madness possible!
Your support funds bad decisions, emotional damage, and the continued employment of two disasters who should not be trusted with power, money, or a platform.
